


Mal and Lard's Adventures to Hell

by EHKC223



Series: The Adventures of Mal and Lard [1]
Category: James Franco - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Ducks, Fucking, Gay Duck Sex, Heaven, Hell, James Franco - Freeform, M/M, Morgan Freeman - Freeform, Trucks, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:03:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3411638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EHKC223/pseuds/EHKC223
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal the Duck and Lard the Duck have just been in an accident while in their truck. What is that bright light?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mal and Lard's Adventures to Hell

The Adventures of Mal and Lard- Story 1  
By Penny Peck and Reed Libros

A long long time ago  
In a galaxy far away....there were two ducks named Mal and Lard.  
They liked to fuck in trucks.  
        Once day as they were fucking in a truck, a Maserati hit the truck head on, causing it to crush Mal and Lard inside. As they were both dead, their ghost forms raced from the car. Lard began climbing over Mal’s dead duck body. On the other hand, Mal was simply disappointed that he and Lard were not able to finish their fuck in the truck.  
As Lard left the truck in which they had been fucking, he saw a beautiful light. Mal too saw the light, and in his haste to investigate its source, he shoved Lard out of the way.  
Lard, being upset for Mal shoving him post coitus, threw a large rock at him. Mal violently fell forward, and he cracked his poor ghostly beak on the fluffy surface on which they rested. He glared malevolently at Lard.  
“Why did you shove me?!” Lard yelled at his dead lover.  
“Because we were done fucking, you stupid duck,” replied Mal.  
“If that is the way you felt about us, then you don’t deserve going to the light, you fugly bitch!” Lard exclaimed loudly, and bolted towards the light.  
       “You mother fucker!” Screamed Mal. He spread his rather magnificent wings and started flapping frantically after Lard.  
Lard looked back and glared back at his once lover’s majestic flying abilities, and started to flap his own incompetent wings.  
Mal began laughing uncontrollably. “You’re pathetic. Your flight is like your dick, you can’t get it up!” he exclaimed maniacally.  
Lard angrily turned around and waited for Mal to approach. When he did, Lard lept into the air and tackled Mal to the ground and plucked out his flying feathers. Mal began crying because he was a butthurt (no pun intended) little duck. “My beautiful wings, you’ve ruined them,” he mourned.  
“You got what you deserved, you bag of dicks!” Lard yelled back as he took off running again, towards the light that was drawing close.  
As Mal struggled to keep up to Lard, he started quacking angrily, while simultaneously becoming increasingly worried that his chance to bask in the light would not come.  
       Lard came to a screeching halt as he nearly ran beak first into the great pearly gates of the light. Mal stumbled behind him, staring up in awe at the towering figure of Morgan Freeman.  
“Morgan Freeman?” Lard asked in shock. “You’re really God?”  
“Yes, my ducklings. I am here to welcome you home. Unfortunately though, you must not fuck in trucks while you’re here in heaven because it will disturb the other ghosties,” said Morgan Freeman.  
“Well fuck that,” said Mal. “We might have fought wing and beak on the way up here, but Lard and I are fuckers (literally) for life. Is Hell an option?”  
“Well if you choose Hell, then you must meet with James Franco,” Lord Freeman responded with his luscious voice.  
Lard looked to God Freeman and said, “James Franco is Satan?”  
“Yes duckling,” Morgan Freeman stated in his calm manner.  
“Hot damn,” said Mal. “It’s a hard choice. I hate James Franco.”  
“Oh, it isn’t too bad,” intoned Morgan Freeman. “Hell is simply a place where all of James Franco’s movies are shown on every surface surrounding you, 24/7.”  
“Aw man!” quacked Mal. “I don’t know! It’s a tough call.”  
“I don’t know if I can fuck you to a James Franco movie,” Lard whispered to Mal.  
“We’ll have to make do,” whispered Mal to Lard. Turning to Morgan Freeman he asked, “Morgan Freeman, Lard and I were good duckies on Earth. Might we have some headphones and blindfolds to take with us on our journey to Hell?”  
“You two are kinky little sons-of-bitches,” replied the Great Morgan Freeman. “But yes, I suppose you can. Apart from being two ducks fucking each other in other people’s trucks, your record on Earth was perfect.”  
“Thank you, Sir!” Lard yelled enthusiastically. Lord Freeman handed the kinky ducks their headphones and blindfolds and pointed them towards the stairs that lead to James Franco’s Hell.      Waving goodbye to Morgan Freeman, and with shit-eating grins on their little beaks, Mal and Lard started the sixty-nine-story descent to the darkened pits of Hell, illuminated only by the terrible movies of James Franco.  
Lard held out his wing to Mal for comfort, as he could hear the horrid acting getting louder with each step.  
“We’ll be ok right, Mal?” Lard asked in concern.  
“Of course we will, Lard. As long as we have each other and a truck, we will be fine,” replied Mal confidently.  
Together, they continued down the long stairs, comforted in the fact that they could fuck in trucks for all eternity.  
THE END

**Author's Note:**

> More to come. Please enjoy the cracky Adventures of Mal and Lard.


End file.
